That thing about being a survivor?  Well, it is still hard for me to think of myself that way.  This morning I went for my blood draw.  I go back a week from today to get the results.  I also had blood taken for my hormone levels.  I'm not sure if I ever mentioned in the past, the trouble with my thyroid.  Well, the nodules on my thyroid. 
     About 6 months ago I went for a routine ultrasound of my thyroid.  I've had nodules on it for years, but this test showed some growth, and so I was sent for a biopsy in Feb. or March.  There are nodules on both the right and left side.  One side was benign, but the other side was inconclusive.  I have to go for another ultrasound in August, but my oncologist is checking my hormone levels now.  It is always a bit unnerving.  I do not know how things will go from day to day, let alone month to month. I now have to wait a week for my Dr. visit.  I am feeling fine.  Great in fact. I've lost about 25 lbs.  I've been walking and gardening and eating right.  I should be thinking everything is fine.  But I don't.  I need to see the report and know that those cancer cells are gone.  I hate cancer.  I hate having to take medicine everyday.  And I really hate having the feeling that for the rest of my life I will have to worry about it!  I know my doctor has said that some CML patients are at a complete molecular response, meaning that there are no visible active cancer cells in the body.  I have never had that.  So every three months I wait for the graft that I see will be down at the bottom and in the "green" zone.  I wonder how others deal with this?  I would love to have someone comment on this.  Do you have  this nagging feeling that never seems to go away?  How do you live with it?
     I have that survivor in me.  It's just feeling a little weak right now.  The Relay for Life event is Saturday.  My anniversary is June 6th.  3 years.  I will walk in the Survivor's Lap.  I did it last year.  I cried all the way around the track.  I am hoping that this year I will feel more like the survivor I am.
     God is listening and I am sure he has my life in his hands.  I know there is a reason, and I've said it before.  I may not know the reasons, I may not even like it, but one day I will know why.  I am lucky.  I am blessed and I have no right to complain.  So, so many others have suffered much more than I have.  I have had very little side effects.  I think my "suffering" is more mental.  And I know I should be able to think of these times of nervousness more positively.  I should be able to offer it all up to God.  And I do.  It's just that it doesn't really make the worry go away.
     I know that in a week all will be well again, and I can stop worrying for 3 more months.  This gives me peace.  I wish you the same peace.