It was a poignant weekend.  Relay for Life was on Saturday.  I walked in the survivor's lap.  And Dan walked beside me in the care giver's lap.  I was anxious to tell everyone we knew  that I am cancer free.  And talking with many people, many of the questions I've had, the feelings of uncertainty, the niggling fear.. all of it, we who are survivors have experienced the same things.  I walked with a friend who has been a survivor and cancer free for 5 or 6 years.  It felt wonderful to be able to compare notes.  It was also sad.  There was a little girl, she couldn't have been more then 2 years old.  She had a cape that said "Survivor" on it.  Why the children?
     We walked around the track and visited many of the tents.  There were Chinese  auctions, things to buy,pictures to take.  I hadn't donated any money ahead of time, so we did a few chances.  They served  a lunch reception after the survivor's laps.  We stayed for awhile and then came home for awhile.  I have never been to the luminary ceremony. 
    At dusk, we returned to the track to find white luminary bags lining the track, some on both sides.  As we walked around, reading the names of so many who have passed from cancer, it was very emotional.  My brother in law Larry passed from lung cancer 6 or 7 years ago.  A good friend, Christine Phelka passed this past year from cancer. Many names, many memories.  And then there were bags in honor of survivors.  We hadn't bought any bags, so I was surprised when walking to see my name with little music notes lit up.  One of my piano students had done it.  I took a picture of it.  It was all so tear jerking for me.
     When all the bags were lit, and it was dark, the chair people gave a little talk and then asked that we all take a silent lap around the track with a glow stick.  It was amazing.  All the activity that had been going on all day, the music, the voices, the sports,... all of it now silenced by this solitary line of people following one another.  At the end of the lap, there was a large white ribbon in lights laid out on the grass.  They had asked that we all put our glow sticks in the ribbon.  It was a beautiful thing.  Although I felt sad for the many who have passed from this horrible disease, there was a feeling of hope.  Hope for the future.  Hope for a cure. Hope that life will one day exist without cancer.
     As an aside, in the afternoon when we had come home, I had a vomiting episode.  I threw  up the pizza that had been served.  And I felt sick.  I laid down on the sofa a fell asleep for over an hour.  Although I still had a sour stomach when I woke up, I was determined to make it back to the luminary ceremony.   I am so glad that I did.  The chemo med may rear its ugly head  now and again, but this was a reason for me to stand up and move through the sickness.  God has seen fit to help me through these struggles.  Small struggles really, compared to the fight that I seem to have a victory over.  No cancer cells present.  I am still adjusting to this new news.
     I will continue to be blessed.  I do not know what the future holds.  I must still get through the continued testing of my thyroid.  Perhaps there will be cancer there.  But, perhaps there won't.  But the leukemia?  It is gone.  For now at least.  And God gives me a new sense of peace today.  I wish you peace if you are struggling. And I invite you to leave a message if you would like to comment, or just say, "hey, I'm a survivor too."