I am cancer free!

     I have wonderful news.  I have been to Dr. Sood's this morning and my test results show "no active cancer cells present".  I am overcome with emotion.  Tears have been flowing on and off for over an hour now.  No cancer cells.  I have a "complete molecular response".  I have waited 3 years for this.  It is a complete remission.  I have been so nervous about this appt.  My numbers have always gone up and down, never making it down to this level.  Although I discussed my increasing side effects from the Gleevec, it doesn't seem to matter right now.  He says if I stay in this state for 3 or 4 years, I may be able to go off the med completely.  It is a hard thing for me to grasp.
     Yesterday I was so anxious.  I don't know how I would have reacted if my numbers had gone up again.  I have been praying for this day for so long, it seems part of my mantra.  Every day I wake up and wonder how I will feel well, or if the cancer cells were growing.  I am not sure how I will feel as the days go by.  I suppose I will once again get nervous in 3 months when I go for another blood check.  But I feel pretty confident now.  If there are no cells present does that mean there really are none?  I am thanking my Lord and God.
     There have been so many thoughts and pleas, and resignation, and hope.  Hope.  Today that prayer has been answered.   I am so thankful that I have my faith.  It always sees me through.  Things don't always go as I would have wanted, but these struggles I've had throughout my adult life have had some reason.  I wonder as these new days go by if I will find that reason or if I will have to wait until I reach heaven to find the answers.  It is a feeling of elation right now, and I am praising my God that he has seen to it, that for now anyway, I am given a reprieve from this horrible thing called cancer.  Will  continue to worry?  Yes of course I will.  But I am taking this day as a victory.  Today I am a survivor and I realize that I am indeed surviving.  I will walk in the Relay for Life on Saturday.  I think my emotions will be different this year.  I have acknowledged that I have cancer.  Last year I felt like a victim.  It was an unreal experience to be walking in that crowd of people who all had cancer.  I had had it for 2 years then, but I did not belong in that group of walkers.  I cried all the way around the track.
     This year will be different.  I think I will feel more like a survivor.  I hope that this grateful feeling that is warming my soul will continue.  I want to fly.  I want to celebrate.  I want to shout it to the world.  I AM CANCER FREE.  I didn't think I would ever be able to say it.  But I am.  I am cancer free.  I feel at peace today.  Thank you my God.  I wish peace for any of you reading this.  Thank you.