I love my music.  It soothes me.  Every day seems to bring another physical ailment, but I always have my music.  I play piano, and time seems to vanish.  I love classical music.  But lately, I have been looking for something else.  Not so much contemporary, but, something...  I suppose it kind of makes sense that I am at loose ends with my music.  Because why?  Well, I am at loose ends with my health.  Not knowing from one day to the next will be ailing me.  I cannot seem to find a happy medium.  I started my fall piano lessons 3 weeks ago, and I am already sick with a nasty cold.  It is such a tiresome thing to have a compromised immune system.  The thing I love to do, teach music, play music, listen to it, feel it.  I think I cannot find the soft place I want to be right now because I cannot seem to feel well for more than a few days at a time.  Even sitting at the piano this morning did not bring me any joy.  My hands would not move the way I wanted them to.  It is a frustrating thing.  My mind is tired I think.  I have been coughing for 4 days now, and my body is tired.  It is at times like this that cause me to think negative things.  I feel that depression of a black hole moving closer to me.  I should be fine.  I should be grateful, and thankful for my life, and the fact that God is probably just testing me.  I know I should be praying, and thanking God.  I know I will be fine.  I suppose I need to listen to some calming music.  I need to calm my mind and feel peace.