A new reality.

My life has changed so much.  It is amazing.  In 1997 I was a wife, a mother of 3 young children, had a job I loved.  Things did not change overnight.  With the many back surgeries I've endured, CSF leaks, migraines, chronic pain, and 3 years ago, Leukemia.  My world has revolved around my health.  There are very few moments that I can recall as being a good period.  There always seemed to be one crisis after another.
     But today, looking back, I believe I am now living in a new reality.  And it is not highlighted by pain.  It has been over a year since I have had to be hospitalized.  This is huge.  Before this, I don't think  there was any length of time when I was doing as well as I am now.  Even with CML I feel healthier.  I feel reconnected with life.  A good life.   I am feeling energized each morning as a new day begins.
     I still don't sleep well.  I still have pain much of the time.  I still need to take daily meds, including Gleevec, my chemo med.  I am still fatigued.  But something changed.
     When I was diagnosed with cancer my world tilted into twisting and turning shapes.  It often felt like a rainbow that was distorted and tangled.  I could feel it.  I was immersed in it.  And I am not sure when it started to straighten out and become a beautiful panorama of bright and beautiful  vibrant colors.  I feel like I have taken off dark sunglasses and can now see my world beginning again.  I feel so very blessed.  I will not know in this lifetime why I have been made to suffer, but I will know.  Some day when I am in a new world, with my family and friends.  When I bridge the gap between human life and eternal life.  I will know all that is in the mind of God.
     As my 3 month blood check gets closer, so to does the anxiety that comes with it.  But for some reason, I feel okay.  I am okay.  I will be okay.  Even if things don't continue on the positive side as they are now, I know things will come around again. 
      My new reality is this; though the seas of life wash over me, I know that my God will stand by me.   I have a new peace.
I wish you peace.
Barb