So it has been one month since I visited my oncologist and was told there are no active cancer cells detected. The first week, I was busy telling everyone, "I'm cancer free. I am so happy." The second week I was still reeling and so happy. It was a sort of I believe it, no I don't believe it. The third week, I got a cold. I was miserable. I lost my voice, I had a low grade fever, and was having horrible night sweats. By the 4th week I was sure that I was relapsing. What are the symptoms of a relapse? Tiredness,(I slept for days), low grade fever, night sweats. Then I started to feel better. But I was still very tired and was now dizzy. I could hardly stand. Two weeks later, and here I am with a bad case of vertigo. Phew, just a cold and vertigo. Am I still cancer free? Who knows. I don't see the Dr. until September. I am thinking logically that everything is fine. In my heart I am still wondering, are there some cancer cells again? It is very disheartening. I wonder if it will always be like this. I know that because of the chemo medicine I take I will always be susceptible to infections. I am not so sure that I will ever breathe easy.
But I am moving forward. One day at a time. I am taking action to help raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. And this is exciting to me. My event, "A Stroll to the Park" is coming up on August 22nd at 7pm. I am getting lots of positive feedback and I am thinking it will be a bit (a lot) bigger than I first thought. Our little stroll will take place at our local Farm Festival and people can walk with us for a $10.00 registration/donation fee. The posters are being printed as I write, I am getting some sponsors (hopefully enough to be able to get tee-shirts), and the donations are starting to come in. It is a simple thing. A walk, a slow stroll, lighting the way with luminaries and a small ceremony in the park's gazebo. My honorary chairperson has written her story and I will get that shortly so I can write an article for our local newspapers, and radio.
I am amazed at how it charges me to be doing something so worthwhile. Three years ago when I was first diagnosed with CML I held a fundraiser called "Comedy for a Cause". I have a cousin who is a comedian, and we had a great benefit and raised over $2500.00. I felt the need then to do something to be actively involved in finding a cure. Then I was sick and didn't feel up to doing anything. But this year, this good news of being cancer free has compelled me to become active again. And it feels wonderful. God has been so good to me. I know that every day I breathe and enjoy another beautiful day is a blessing. With all the fears, and all the concerns that come with cancer, I know there is always God. It is my soft place. My mind relaxes and calms me. My God calms me and my soul is still.
I wish you the same peace.
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