It has been over a month since I have blogged.  A few reasons why.  Sometimes I just cannot summon the strength to write.  I wish I could be cheerful and have something wonderful to say.  Something with a purpose.  A good reason to  be writing.  Lately though, I have been sick with a nasty cold, had a thyroid biopsy of which I am still awaiting the results, and then last week, I turned wrong and have been on my back since last Saturday.  I have been taking oxycodone and a muscle relaxer, along with the prednisone my Dr. prescribed.  I am over tired.  I have had to cancel my piano lessons for the week.  And my sister's husband's 22 years young passed away this past Saturday.  I wasn't able to attend the wake or funeral, or even go to the house just to show my respect.  I feel guilty about that.  My husband went.  We sent food.  I just feel I should have been there.  I am finding it a difficult time to pray properly.  I speak with God all the time. I think.  But I am just feeling tired.  Very very tired.  I want to feel well.  I have gone through this back and leg pain many times, but it has been almost a year or longer since I've had an episode.  I think I may be feeling so blue because when I think of the past year, I have been around and around.  At the beginning of the year I was feeling great.  I felt great all the way until July.  Since July, I have been in the hospital for infectious colitis, had a horrible cold with a cough that wore me out, my white blood count is getting too low, and now this with my back.  I would love to have an entire year of good health.
     I just cannot seem to go through a long period of wellness.  It has been making me come close to depression again.  Or I may already be there.  I am thinking that I need to call my counsuler.  She has helped me in the past.  In fact, she called me in May just to see how I was doing.  I was doing great.  I remember telling her I felt well, I was healthy, and my relationship with Dan has improved 10 fold.  I write when I am upset.  I am struggling now and I ask God to help me, and then I feel guilty for asking for help because I think I should be able to help myself.  I know God is listening and there is a lesson here for me to learn.  Perhaps I need to let go let God.  Yes, I think so.